Thoughts and beliefs, which are choices you make, are the building blocks of attitude. They are the main factors in how you will deal with your loss and to what extent you will experience additional and unnecessary suffering.
Unfortunately, many of us have been heavily influenced to believe half-truths and false assumptions about death, loss, and reinvestment in life. These influences were deeply implanted in our psyche early in life by parents or other significant adult figures. The result leads to behaviors that complicate and increase the intensity of our claim work.
However, a common experience when facing major life changes is that we learn, grow wiser, and reassess the way we conduct our lives and think about the world around us. Often, without fully acknowledging the transition, we alter beliefs, some of which we have accepted for years as “just the way they are.”
These are some of the beliefs that have helped others through grief and have been helpful in adjusting to a new life without the company of your loved one.
1. You believe that coping well is a choice. You are not meant to follow a preset path in grievance as you learned by observing others. You can choose how you want to deal with the inevitable changes that you will face. Your ability to choose, after wise deliberation and consultation, should never be minimized. It is your injury and your loss and you can direct your course through your dark night.
2. Believing that the perfect duel does not exist. Get rid of the word “perfect.” You’ll look like you’ve been left behind at times. The grievance is like this. But remember what the well-known psychotherapist Thomas Moore wrote: “If you lead a full life, you will fail every day.” Let it go. Don’t be discouraged. See yourself doing better next time. This is where this next belief becomes key.
3. Believe in the importance of making new friends throughout life. Start looking for new friends today. You are not giving up your old friends; you are adding to your circle of friends. Why? Because the research is crystal clear: we are social beings, and friends are a crucial part of life and our physical and mental health. We need each other.
4. Believe in the critical importance of achieving. Doing something that ends in good results for you or someone else is powerful medicine for life. Doing something is food for inner strength and self-esteem, which we all need. Set goals for various parts of your life and go for them. Start with small, small successes first, and work your way up. No couch potatoes for you. Attain.
5. Believe in giving it your all. Not 95% or 99% but 100% in what you seek to achieve. Effort is the engine that leads to success and achievement in managing your grievance and reinvesting in life. It must act without hindrance and not halfway. Giving your best effort will result in progress, little by little.
6. Believe in always persisting. Like an annoying fly, stay on task. When you fall from time to time, get up, re-evaluate and get back in the fray. You will reach your goal.
7. Believe that love never dies. Although you have changed, you will always have a relationship with your deceased loved one. Relationships don’t die. You can talk to your loved one however you see fit, just like millions of others do. Many pray to their loved ones or to the Higher Power. Remember what Gandhi, India’s political and spiritual leader, said: “Prayer is not an old woman’s idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most powerful instrument of action.”
There’s that word again-action. It all depends on what you decide to believe about yourself and where you can go. The power of your choices, the friends you make, the failures you bounce back from, your tireless efforts, and your commitment to action will ensure that you can adjust to the next chapter of your life. Let the loss you have experienced and the changes you are facing bring new awareness and insights into your life.