Here’s a little story about Marcy, who was heartbroken and wanted so badly to get back together with her ex-boyfriend Rick. Rick had indicated that he needed more freedom and wanted to see other people.
Marcy’s instinct was to do whatever she could to try to get back together with her ex-boyfriend Rick. She wanted to constantly call him or send him text messages and emails. She thought maybe flirting with her friends would make him jealous. She also wondered if turning her back would be better to get her attention.
Neither of these tactics would work. What she really needed to do was listen to Rick, listen from her heart. Rick was trying to fix a relationship problem the only way he knew how. If he had been listening earlier, he could have prevented the breakup. But now, in her desire to get back together with her ex-boyfriend Rick, she needed to hear what he needed in the relationship.
Rick had said that he still loved her but that he wanted more freedom, more space. It may sound like a trite excuse, but this particular reason for wanting space usually rings true. Rick felt suffocated in her relationship.
The feeling of suffocation has nothing to do with whether or not one person loves another. But it will often destroy a relationship. So Marcy’s instinct to call and/or text and email Rick incessantly is wrong. It will only make Rick feel more oppressed by the need for Marcy.
Flirting with Rick’s friends and the supposed jealousy that Marcy thinks would arise is completely wrong. Rick won’t want Marcy back. In fact, flirting with Rick’s friends would only make him mad at her, not jealous. Playing mind games is never a good tactic to get back together with exes.
Giving in to the desire to turn away from Rick, that is, punishing him by ignoring him, is the kind of strong reaction many people have to the pain of apparent lack of affection. In Marcy’s mind, Rick rejected her, and her pride took a huge hit as a result. Wanting to punish someone for that kind of pain is quite common.
Of course, punishment is not a way to get back together with exes. In fact, the opposite is required. By listening to Rick and showing genuine concern for her relationship, Marcy has a better chance of working things out with him than trying to get revenge. It should be pretty obvious that revenge will never get an ex back.
After a brief period of time apart, time used to sort out their individual feelings without the chaos brought on by a failed relationship, Rick and Marcy may have a chance to get together to talk things over calmly and maturely. Marcy should take this time to really listen to Rick’s reasons for feeling stifled and needing more space.
If Marcy’s concern seems genuine and she expresses a genuine desire to mend their relationship by doing whatever it takes, then Rick may be willing to try again. Only in this way can Marcy find success when she tries to get back together with her ex-boyfriend Rick.