I hear this question very often from both wives and lovers. Often women who have cheated on me with married men write to me and say things like “the guy who told me his marriage was torture and he’s never loved anyone the way he loves me. But Then he went back to his wife and now he says the affair meant “nothing” to him. How can he say that? What’s wrong with him? Was he lying then? Or is he lying now?
On the other side of the coin, I also hear from wives asking the same question, but for different reasons. I hear comments like “my husband assures me that the affair meant absolutely nothing to him. First of all, I’m not sure I believe this. He must have spent a lot of time and effort hiding and participating in something that he now claims means nothing. And honestly, this statement doesn’t make it any better for me.If you could be in a physical relationship with someone who had no feelings at all, what does that say about him and his character?
I will try to discuss this topic from a couple of different points of view in the following article.
When a man says that the affair meant nothing to him, he often means the long run: Often, all who find themselves in this situation take the statements of the husband literally. But, sometimes this is not necessarily what it means to them. If you talk to men in this situation, many will tell you that they don’t mean they didn’t feel anything then or even now.
Instead, what they often mean is that in the long-term view of their life, they intend adventure to be just a bump in the road, especially if things turn out the way they want or intend it to. come out What they mean is that the matter is over for them and they want to make amends and move on so that this does not become a long-term issue in their entire lives.
Now, this may or may not end up being possible, but it’s often what they expect. And frankly, they often try to make the affair easier for their wife to handle. So they want to minimize it as much as they can.
It is said that men can separate sex and emotions in a way that many women cannot or cannot: This is a cliche, of course. Many people think that while women have a hard time separating sex from the emotions that go with it, men have no problem with it. And many men will claim this to be true. Many men who have recently been caught up in an affair will tell you that whatever emotions they felt were really about themselves, their self-image, or the moral or personal issues they were dealing with.
They will often tell you that they saw the affair as an escape or as a way to work something out or feel better about themselves rather than getting closer or connecting with another person. For some women, this can sound quite selfish, almost as if they are using someone else. But this is what they will tell you and this is what they believe.
Often when men realize they have jeopardized their marriage by having an affair, they realize that the short relationship with the other person doesn’t even compare to the history they have with their wife: At the end of the day, I think this is the most persuasive reason men will say that “the affair meant nothing” to them. Because they are often in a situation where their wife is devastated and their marriage is in jeopardy. Sometimes, only then do they realize that they risked a real, mature relationship with history and strong feelings for one that was temporary and built on a pile of cards.
Sure, he may have sensed that he had some feeling at the time. But often when he looks back from a place of distance and perspective, he realizes that the whole thing wasn’t real at all. And he realizes that what is real is the history and the commitment that he has shared with another person for much longer. In short, he often realizes what a mistake he has made and how bogus the whole thing really was. And this is the time when you’ll usually start hearing “it doesn’t mean anything” comments.