Daughters of narcissistic mothers: a painful psychological legacy

There are daughters of narcissistic mothers who have barely survived psychologically. In the extreme, there are daughters who starved to death from anorexia as the only way they could find to save a tiny crumb of their existence. We know these daughters, even though their secrets of maternal deprivation and abuse are well camouflaged behind bright faces, bright grades, and solid professional portfolios. Trapped from the earliest childhood, they are victims of a mother incapable of loving them.

The narcissistic mother is psychologically fused with her daughter. Her coldness and lack of empathy affect her son from the beginning. These mothers experience their daughters, not as unique individuals, but as extensions of themselves.

Narcissistic mothers sabotage their daughters’ efforts to become separate productive individuals. The narcissistic mother is envious of her daughter on all levels. This becomes particularly significant as your child enters adolescence. Young men are beginning to notice and indicate that they are sexually attracted to this young woman. This turns his back on the narcissistic mother. He feels biting envy in his gut for competing with his daughter. The mother undermines her daughter by telling her a series of lies that shake her daughter’s confidence in her female identity.

The hypnotic influence that a narcissistic mother has on her daughter can be so strong and pathological that the child does not know what she is thinking or feeling. The narcissistic mother takes full credit for her daughter’s accomplishments while constantly criticizing and demeaning her son for taking initiative or having creative ideas. The daughter who dares to think for herself or who moves toward psychological individuation is heavily criticized, labeled rebellious, and stripped of any significant role in the family.

The narcissistic mother often causes powerful and damaging psychological rifts between her children. Narcissistic mothers pit one sibling against the other and use conspiratorial secrets (often lies) to further poison and destroy relationships between their children.

She will choose a child as the special one. This is often a child who is particularly physically attractive, highly intelligent, or shows artistic or musical talent. This child is adored by the mother. The chosen child cannot do anything wrong, even if he is cruel, mean and deceitful towards others. The chosen child is the perfect incarnation of mother.The narcissistic mother chooses another child as the loser. This daughter becomes the target and repository for the narcissistic mother’s expression of her unconscious feelings of self-worth and worthlessness. This child is a living disposition for the narcissistic mother’s toxic poison.

Narcissistic mothers are never satisfied. If the daughter gets B in her classes, they could have been A. “Just apply yourself, dear. What’s wrong with you?” Narcissistic mothers are obsessed with image. If the target daughter is slightly overweight, the mother makes sarcastic comments about her son’s body. You look a little thick in the middle; his arms are on the chubby side. Your friend Sandra is nice and slim. If you watched what you ate, you could be as attractive as her. “Narcissistic mothers are relentlessly cruel and judgmental. They would discover flaws in the perfect daughter. This will always be true, as the narcissistic mother suffers from severe personality disorder. These individuals are completely self-absorbed, cold, manipulative, Deceptive, exploitative and lack the slightest bit of human empathy.

Most daughters of narcissistic mothers survive this malignant abuse. They learn to block their strong emotions and to dance to the tune of their mothers to save themselves. Some daughters become very rebellious, misbehave with drugs, alcohol, or sex, and leave the family prematurely.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers can be cured through the work of psychotherapy. One of the first problems is recognizing and lamenting the fact that they never had a real mother, someone who loved and cared for them as a separate and valuable human being. Daughters learn that they are no your mothers. As horribly as they were treated, some daughters spend their lives forming dysfunctional relationships with men who resemble their narcissistic mothers. They repeat the psychological patterns of childhood instead of working through pain to transform it.

On the other side of the cauldron of transformation, daughters of narcissistic mothers are born for the second time. They are in touch with the beauty of their bodies, the exquisite beauty of their minds and psyches, and the vast depth of their souls. Now, they feel authentic, fully alive.

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