Cost lockdown with someone you want to divorce!

I would venture to say that some of us are confined to our homes with someone we don’t like or have fallen out of love with. This may be because they have had an affair or because something has changed and it is not the person we met and fell in love with. Or maybe over time there has been a slow erosion of feelings and we finally decided that it is over, but COVID-19 means that it is impossible to issue divorce papers. We cannot relocate, so we are forced to go through the confinement together.

Whether we are married or in a relationship, have children, joint financial commitments like a home, or shared business interests, separation is a complex process, even without the impact of COVID-19. The thought of being isolated for an indeterminate period of time, not knowing how long it will last, is an overwhelming prospect, especially when we are locked in with someone we want to divorce!

Many people are already experiencing a variety of emotions throughout this time and these emotions are very different for each of us. Some people enjoy the forced pause, they take the time to reassess their priorities, they are at home, they can pursue their hobbies, read, take care of the garden, play with their children. Others have serious anxieties and concerns about their health, work, business safety, the financial impact, their loss of freedom, and the future implications of this crisis.

Add relationship concerns to the mix and it can become a very stressful time. So are there positive ways to manage spending lockdown with someone you want to divorce?

– Remember that you already have many skills to face impossible situations. Undoubtedly, you have had several experiences in which you have been presented with a fait accompli, a fixed set of circumstances that are difficult to overcome. As an adult, you will know that there are some things that you have no choice but to accept and avoid, others that you can negotiate a bit with. To breathe. If you can’t change something, there’s no point in stressing about it. Let it go and focus on making the most of what it can do.

– Be civil and polite to each other. it’s a good start when they go through the confinement together. Talk about your meals, what you want to eat, what TV shows you would like to watch, when to spend time together or apart. Could you explore your catalog of music, old photographs, vacation memories, raid the game closet, share household chores?

– Gratitude is an important reflection when you’re locked up. Appreciating your shared history, how far you’ve come, the personal development that has occurred as a result of your relationship. They may have grown up together or survived several difficult times. Being grateful can reconnect you to your roots and core values, reminding you of what was important before life, ambition, and success got in the way.

– Allow yourself to laugh together. Maybe kitchen mishaps or clumsy DIY attempts could be a source of fun. Caring humor is a positive way to manage stress and maintain a more cheerful approach when you are locked up together.

– If the children are at home, it is advisable to keep the atmosphere pleasant for them. You may want a divorce, but you are both still your parents. COVID-19 is confusing enough for kids, you don’t need to complicate things further. Take turns and alternate lesson time so that you give yourself a little space for personal time.

– Don’t think too much about bedtime. Whether you sleep together or apart, intimate or not, these are unprecedented times. If you decide to be intimate, agree that these are exceptional circumstances, and as long as you are both consenting adults, it may well be an acceptable temporary arrangement.

– Appreciate that the confinement could provide a good time to talk. They may not have had the opportunity to share, argue, listen to each other in purposeless conversation for many years, if they ever did. Listen correctly to what others have to say without jumping with your thoughts, comments or challenges to their versions of events. You may not agree with what they have to say, but if this is how they feel, you need to accept it and use it as a starting point to talk.

Maybe agree on some ground rules when discussing serious topics. Avoid going around in circles, repeating tired examples, or blaming. Focus on how you both feel, what each of you wants from their lives, how you would like your relationship to work out from now on, especially if there are children or mutual responsibilities involved.

– Many of us are discovering that we are becoming more patient and tolerant due to being locked up. Our priorities have been forced to change. What was previously sought after or prized is now less so, as we realize that expensive cars, designer items, fabulous vacations, and celebrity status matter little when we are barely allowed out to buy food, socialize. or see our loved ones.

– This change of pace could be a moment for real honesty in your relationship, to learn and understand yourself better, to get rid of the usual stresses and distractions, and maybe rediscover the person you fell in love with before life got in the way. For some of us, it may even provide an opportunity to see attractive qualities in one another that we hadn’t seen before or to reconnect and appreciate how special our relationship could be once again.

If we are prepared to put in the effort and work through our relationship, we may even wonder if we still want that divorce. But if you decide to continue to divorce, I hope this time together has helped ease the process to make it more friendly and respectful. After all, they loved each other once.

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