Confessions of a Submissive Woman: How Did I Get Here?

Wow. How did I get here? To the bottom of my secret garden, down and around the winding path, past the pond and behind the bushes, hidden from everyone I’d ever met, until now?

It’s a long story, a true voyage of discovery, aided along the way with a growing sense of certainty and more than a few deep breaths.

I was raised, like many women, to believe that sex was something private, something that happened between a man and a woman during marriage, definitely not before and definitely not to be enjoyed. A superficial provision of the marriage vow, if you like. And boy, was that boring!

With the expected passage to womanhood, I married at twenty-one, still innocent in matters of the flesh, save for the occasional kiss, hug, and pat on the hand if things seemed to go too far.

Kevin was a great guy in many ways, considerate and caring, a good provider. We had similar backgrounds, sharing traditional family values ​​and views on marriage. But it was clear, even on our wedding night, that the great depths of physical passion I hoped for would never materialize. Kev was a simple roll-on roll-off, a kiss on the cheek and a dream, some kind of man. He was doomed to a life of unsatisfied sex drive, or so he thought.

Although I had always been taught that ‘nice girls don’t do it’, it hadn’t stopped my fertile imagination from fantasizing about all sorts of sexually creepy ideas from my teenage years. They had started, naively, around the age of thirteen, mainly concentrating on the legendary tall, dark and handsome stranger who would pick me up quickly and impose himself on me, to my feigned protests and secret excitement. I didn’t have much material to feed my curious mind at the time, but my fantasies soon diversified when I discovered my brother’s porn magazines when one day I was snooping around his room, curious to know what he was doing behind closed doors.

Well, all I can say is that on Saturday morning I discovered that his stash was the beginning of my lifelong fascination with sexually explicit images and the early flowering of the sexual self that I would become.

By the time I married Kevin, I had a huge catalog of sordid fantasies on my mind that I could turn to whenever I wanted. Before I left home, I used to regularly satisfy myself when everyone was away or had gone to bed, opening my mind to increasingly exciting scenarios. When I first discovered the S&M scene, through a TV show that I wasn’t supposed to be watching while my parents were at a party, I was so excited that I had to rush to my room by the time the show ended. .

I didn’t dare tell Kevin any of this. I was locked in my secret fantasy world and I knew Kev would be horrified if I told him even a little bit of what was going on in my head. God, I wouldn’t even do it with the lights on! I managed to do my marriage duty once a week on Sunday mornings by disappearing into my secret garden. And, it seemed that the more I got bored, the more I advanced in my fantasies.

When I turned 25, I admit it was starting to bother me. The fantasies she now used were dominated by full-blown sadomasochistic scenes. Although from time to time I imagined myself as the dominator, it was usually I who was being dominated, the submissive. Despite my upbringing, which dictated the subordinate role of a woman, I was not so in love with my subconscious desire to be so submissive and controlled by a man. Kev was the provider agreed, but I was the one who ran the show, like a lot of other women I guess. Meanwhile, as the years passed, Kev still had no idea of ​​my secret self and I tried to ignore the feeling that I was living a lie.

It was when Larry appeared in my life that everything changed. It was a classic reunion; One day I dropped the groceries loading them into the car and he had just got out of his car in the compartment next to mine. He came to help and that was it, we just clicked. Little did I know what that meeting was going to bring! By the time we load our bags into the trunk, we agree to stay for coffee and exchange numbers. That gleam in his eyes when we said goodbye was all it took to put any guilty thoughts aside.

Coffee with Larry soon became commonplace. He certainly wasn’t shy about talking about everything under the sun and had me mesmerized with stories of his exploits. I found it so easy to talk to him that when the conversation turned to our sexual experiences, just in our third meeting, I was surprised to hear myself beginning to open the dark secrets of my mind. It was just a little bit at first, but Larry was really encouraging and understanding. He assured me that there was nothing wrong with feeling the way I did, that I could enjoy being sexually submissive if I wanted to without having to be controlled in other areas of my life.

Soon Larry told me about a whole alternative scene that existed, and his sexual pleasure in acting as a teacher in a subordinate relationship. He talked about it so naturally that it was as if he was describing something more ordinary, like interior design, which in a way I suppose it was! Inside, I was alive and bursting, my already expansive imagination soaring to new heights, fueled by Larry. He had no idea how he was going to keep all of this inside, and really, he didn’t want to. Larry realized this, of course, and looking back I can see that during those early coffee meetings I had already begun to take on my much desired role, allowing him to get me to where we are now.

Never before had he been so weak in the face of temptation. You hear people say ‘I couldn’t help it’ and probably, like me, you think that people who give up are weak and are just making excuses. But actually, I couldn’t help it, it was like becoming complete, complete, the real me.

A quick coffee turned into quiet lunches, and lunch turned into whole afternoons at motels, where Larry joined me in my secret garden. I hadn’t in the least resisted his suggestion that I become his master’s slave. Within a few months, I had fulfilled every one of my fantasies and some of Larry’s.

During those months, poor Kev suspected nothing. I felt bad? Yes, I actually did. He was a decent man and she knew it would hurt to find out what he had been doing. But there was no going back for me. I couldn’t see it, but I had changed. Sure, I still fulfilled my marital duties, but I lived through my time with Larry. As time went by, I longed to get our exploits out of the motel. I loved Larry all the time. In a funny way, you could say that while the shackles of my marriage to Kev had been suffocating, I was actively looking to get some new ones, although this time bound in leather!

Inevitably, the afternoon fun with Larry took a more serious turn. It had gotten to the point where it was no longer enough and I couldn’t face the thought of a life with Kev and take the afternoon away with Larry. Everything came to a head one day. Larry realized that I was not my usual self and finally pulled it out of me. That turned out to be the second best thing I did, the first was to leave the groceries in the parking lot that day. After I confessed that I wanted to leave Kev for him, Larry told me that he had been waiting for me to get to that point. Although he is a fantastic teacher, he would not force me to do something that I did not want to do.

I was ecstatic. We made immediate plans to take our relationship to the next level. He would have to leave Kev, of course, and Larry would also have to move out of his marital home. Interestingly, neither of us felt too guilty, knowing that we had formed such a strong bond that we had no other choice. In fact, we were so excited that as we talked about telling our partners about our plans, we suddenly realized that the conversation had somehow turned into planning the dungeon we were going to build together in our new home!

That was seven years ago. As for that, Kev took it pretty well, all things considered. I didn’t tell him the exact truth about why I was leaving, he just wouldn’t have understood. How can you tell someone that you are leaving them to be someone else’s sex slave?

Larry and I are still together and we truly have the most perfect relationship I could wish for. To everyone else, we seem like a normal couple; We share responsibilities and chores and we are the same in most aspects of our daily lives. But, when we close the door to the world, we become who we really are and I find it just as exciting now as then. We even built that dungeon we talked about all those years before, sometimes inviting friends we met through the scene. Above all, however, it’s just me and my teacher, taking each other to places we have to go, somewhere I can’t return from. Do I have trouble being submissive? Oh no. I wouldn’t trade those leather bindings for the world!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *